I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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