I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
