i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
