a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm too high and old for this...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
