it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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