we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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