2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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