Apparently you make a good broom.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
