Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
