Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
