Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
