There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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