He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
