Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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