Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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