dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
