At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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