He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
