where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
