Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
