I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
