No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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