You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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