I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
