Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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