u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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