is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
nutella sex= disaster
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
