they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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