What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
