This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she peed on how many people?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
