Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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