this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize