I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
