That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
