honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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