After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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