bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
