Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize