ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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