She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
