oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
