I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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