4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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