Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
