So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
