Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
