i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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