All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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