If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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