so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
