as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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