so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
