I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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