How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
