drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
