ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
