you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
