i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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