But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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