i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
