we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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