the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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