I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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