they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just googled if crying burns calories
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
