Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
