I just saw a hot homeless man
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
