I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
