she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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