I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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