Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
