As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
