im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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