yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
