He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
