My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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