your parents love me but you hate me
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The Olympian is in my bed
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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